Deadpool & Naruto's Outrageous Adventure in the DC Universe
by Karasu87
Summary: Naruto and Deadpool. Two forces that when separated, create untold amounts of chaos. But together, the bodies pile up and the universe screams for a savior. But what would happen when both are ripped from the Marvel Universe, and dropped into the arms of the League of Assassins? Wade: "... this should be fun."
1. Chapter 1

Deadpool & Naruto's Outrageous Adventure in the DC Universe

Chapter 1: The Age of Ult- Deadpool!

"I've got no strings to hold me down," two people swung, upside down. Their feet were bound, and each swing caused the ceiling to creak. "To make me fret, or to make me frown."

"Pinocchio?" asked the other man.

"Actually Ultron, but sure, why not." Their hands were also bound around their backs, but he did his best to shrug. "Alright, how about this one. 'You know the closer you get to something'," he sang as he swung. "The tougher it is to see it. And I'll never take it for granted."

"No idea," the man said. "Sounds familiar though."

"You two took out some of my best," Talia al Ghul said, walking closer to the two men, who ignored her. She wiped some of the blood from her face, and continued to stare daggers at the men. "...in only a minute. Like I asked before, what was that portal?"

It was quiet. The only sounds were of the men swinging. They looked to each other, then did their best to shrug. Their weapons were in a pile behind her, and it was intriguing. They didn't even use any of them.

"Ah, Deadpool here!" The man, Deadpool said, looking past Talia. He wore a red and black costume. A yellow box appeared next to his head, 'Deadpool: The Merc with a Mouth'. "And this here is Naruto. Fanfiction hero and now, my sidekick." The box appeared near the other man's head. 'The Other Guy.' "You may be asking yourself, 'where the flying fuck are they, and why are they upside down?' Well, strap yourselves in, it's gonna be a bumpy ride! Flashback Time!"

"The suspense is killing me," Talia said. The yellow box appeared near her. 'Angry chick: Possible love interest for Naruto.'

xxxx

Reed Richards was alone. Completely, utterly alone. At least, he was trying to be. It was kinda hard when two people, whom the Avengers dubbed 'Fuck ups', appeared when he least expected. It was like they planted a beacon somewhere on him, and they come running.

" _Yep, good old Reed Richards. Member of the Fantastic Four. I'm totally an honorary member. You know, I wonder if him and Sue get freaky with those powers of-"_

" _What's wrong with him?" Talia asked, her hand an inch a way from her blade._

" _Everything. That's an understatement." Naruto mumbled._

Reed was getting ready to unveil a new device. One that would allow the transportation of matter to another dimension.

"Ooh, it's an Xbox One! Totally has to be!" Deadpool sat in a desk, hand high in the air. Naruto stood nearby, leaning on the wall. "...or maybe a PS4?"

Reed sighed. "No, as I said, forty times already, this is a complex piece of equipment."

"So is my PS4." Reed sighed again. He was forced to cater to their every whim. Nobody could tolerate them. Not the X-Men, not the Avengers, not even Doctor Doom. Why him?

Why?

"A device that could rip the fabric of space and time. But, no matter what… I can't seem to get my equations just right." Reed explained. He had no idea why he was explaining all that to _them_. But what harm could it do?

"Divide by zero," Deadpool said, with a satisfied nod. Only Naruto saw the man fingering his handgun.

Reed watched the two. They were like students, ones he would give a million 'F's' to if he could. The things they did to annoy everyone. He finally replied, while pointing at his equations, "That's not really logical, you see-"

Wade only smirked as he pulled out a single bullet. It was enough to cause Reed to pause. When the mercenary pulled out a single bullet, it meant trouble. Normally it meant that a single enemy was nearby, or five enemies, and Wade wanted to prove he could kill all of them with one shot.

Surprisingly, he saw the man do it. But then he saw what was written on the bullet. 1/0. He frowned. Wade popped the bullet into the chamber on his handgun. Reed saw Naruto look to Wade, then shake his head ' _no'._

Lightning flashed on the edge of his vision. Reed took notice that his machine was actually on. At the moment, it was just a fancy light show. Then his mind clicked as he looked at Wade.

"Nah, professor Stretch, you just need escape velocity."

"Wade, wait!"

But not even his stretch abilities was enough to stop him. Wade fired the single shot at the lightning. He expected the Baxter Building to be ground zero of a massive explosion. But instead, the bullet froze in midair. Lightning arched around it. Then, the floodgates seemed to open. First, the bullet stretched, then vanished. Lightning got even thicker, and slithered around the wall as if it was alive. In the center of the mess was what looked like a black hole. He quickly wrapped his arm around his desk, which was bolted to the floor.

Naruto raised a brow. Wade still had his gun raised, and there was a bullet trail leading from the portal. The ripples caused by the bullet trail was moving, and the vortex appeared to follow it. And before anyone knew what happened-

" _Reed created a Stargate! Neat! Bring on the Na'vi!"_

" _Wrong movie, Wade."_

" _A pet Xenomorph then? I can house train it!"_

Before Wade and Naruto were completely sucked into the vortex, Wade met Reed's eye. And Reed could tell the man was smiling. And beneath that darn mask of his, he knew Wade was mouthing the words, 'Told ya so.'

"That cake shall be _mine_!" Once the duo completely vanished, Reed stood there. The vortex vanished. He was pleasantly surprised all of his notes and scribbles didn't get sucked in. Neither was the chair that Wade sat in. The vortex followed the bullet trail, which lead to Wade. Naruto did reach out towards Wade, which explains him.

He didn't know if he should be relieved or worried.

"Even with them gone, they are still going to cause my early demise," he whispered to himself.

xxxx

"The cake... was a lie..." Wade whispered, dropping to his knees. "Damn you!"

Naruto ignored the weeping man, and stared at the new surroundings. Unlike Deadpool, he actually tried to pay attention to Reed. But, he was very hyperactive, destructive and immensely dense.

They were on top of a large building, in a sea of large buildings. Reminded him of the view from Avengers Tower. He sucked in the cool, crisp night air. At least the air was breathable, and from the sound of cars and people shouting, it was likely an alternate Earth.

Naruto was curious as a fox, and loved to explore new things. Food, meeting new friends, new Dimensions. Believe it or not, this wasn't the first time something like that had happened. He was ripped from his own world, and dropped into a new one. There he met Wade. And the two hit it off, but Wade had unique abilities. Including stumbling upon new worlds.

Maybe Reed wanted to simulate that. But in reality, there were so many worlds out there, the chances of him finding his own is less that 2%. The last time he got stranded in another dimension, it was filled with Zombies. It kinda felt strange getting hit on by a Zombie Black Cat. Sad, strangely funny, and oddly erotic. That was pretty much his thoughts, summed up by Wade.

And now, here they were. But this was different. It was a machine that brought them here, not one of Wade's abilities. Which meant getting back to his _new_ home was next to impossible.

"Looks like New York," he leaned over the side of the building. It wasn't vastly tall. He could still make out human shapes. No Zombies, he felt himself sigh in relief.

"Ooh, wonder if Tony is a chick in this one," Wade appeared next to him. Naruto could tell the man was winking. "Maybe this is Spider-Gwen's world! Please, let her be here!"

Sirens wailed in the distance. "Somehow, I doubt that." He had to admit, would be pretty nice if he ran into that female version of Deadpool. "Beats the one I'm with."

"Um, you know I can see your thought bubbles, right?" Wade pointed to something above Naruto's head.

"I don't think we can rely on The Fantastic Four to get us out of this one," Naruto shook his head. "This one falls on you."

"I was trying to teach Stretch. A role reversal. Besides, not all the blame falls on me. Remember this?" A thought bubble appeared over Wade's head.

"We shouldn't be doing this," Mystique mumbled. Her breasts, which were larger than he remembered, bounced in a hypnotic manner. Her nude blue form glistened with sweat. "We are on two different sides."

"I don't remember that happening," Naruto said. "Well, _exactly_ like that. And we weren't on different sides. Wait, what does this have to do with our current situation?" He waved his hands to disperse the bubble. "Anyway, it's a new world. What's the worst that could happen?"

As the sirens got louder, a light suddenly shot into the sky. It resembled a bat.

Naruto stiffened. Blood dripped from his neck. A cold blade _gently_ rested against it. He knew it was coming, but was curious to know what the new presence intended. And besides, they were surrounded.

That wasn't entirely true. The newcomers were good. Very good. He didn't notice them until the light shot up into the sky, which set his senses off. And... where was Wade?

"Don't move, and don't breathe." the voice was female. Her warm breathe tickled his ear and her grip on the blade tightened.

"Wade?" he asked, fully knowing his friend probably had no idea they were surrounded. He got his answer when he was forced to turn around. And indeed, they were surrounded. At least ten ninjas, counting the one holding him at sword point. They were slowly approaching Deadpool. Naruto shook his head, or tried to, blood continued to drip.

"Twenty bucks I nail the bald guy in the tacky jacket," Deadpool said, urinating off the building. And from the sound of a yell, it looked like Deadpool won the bet. "What kind of person wears orange? Trying to look like Bruce Lee? Hey, Naruto. If this is a new dimension..." the man below kept screaming as Wade shook his hips. "Is money the same? What if Bruce Willis starred in Inception? Ooh, what if Kurt Russell played Han Solo? We are so hitting the video store!"

Naruto grunted. The sword didn't hurt, but it was annoying. The ninjas stopped, and were strangely waiting for his friend to finish. If he were in their position, he would just push the idiot off the building. It would be a clean kill.

"Wait! Will they have My Little.." he quickly turned around, his urine stream still going strong. The closest ninja was forced to jump back to avoid being hit. "...Pony?"

"I didn't need to see that," Naruto said, trying to avoid looking at Wade. Where was a censor bar when you need one?

"What was that thing?" the woman asked, completely ignoring his friend. He managed to get a better look at her. She was dressed like the others, only her face was visible. Her brown hair was pulled back.

"Oh?" Deadpool was quick to zip up his pants with an embarrassed laugh.

"Disgusting," the woman mumbled.

"Sorry about that. Um," Deadpool coughed, and looked at the surrounding ninjas. "Ladies. Damn, they don't understand me. Allow me to speaky your language. Beep. Boopy-de-beep. Mmmbop, ba duba dop Ba du bop, ba duba dop."

Naruto raised a brow. Wade did the exact same thing when he first met him. Only instead of the Hanson song, he sang Katy Perry's Firework and Lady Gaga's Poker Face. Then his eyes caught the subtle movement of his friend. The movement that usually meant something was about to happen. Or in Wade's words, "Shit's about to get real."

And then what he expected to happen, happened.

Talia's eyes widened as Naruto smirked. Deadpool vanished with a _bamf_. A yellow puddle was left where he once stood. "Where is he?"

The sound of ripped flesh caused each ninja to go on alert. The body of the female ninja hit the roof with a thud. But instead of Deadpool, there was a puff of gray smoke, then another sound of flesh ripping followed.

"A spicy Chimichanga's what I like," Deadpool sang, sinking his blade into a ninja. Blood splashed everywhere when he ripped it out, and sliced it into another. "With refried beans and salsa on the side." He weaved around several swords, and stabbed forward with a pose. "I'm kicking tons of ass and taking names." He ducked. "Let's hope my movie version does the same." Then he stabbed again. "We all know that stabbing is so fun." He reached for his gun, but paused. "But shooting really gets the damn job done."

He felt the woman behind him tense as the number of her ninjas dwindled. But that was all, she just tensed. Normally a person would freak out when Wade had his blade out, and blood and body parts were flying.

"What the hell are you singing?" Naruto asked, not really caring that the woman behind him told him to shut up.

Deadpool extended his arm, and the blood flew off the sword. "Just something Fan of Fanfics and I came up with." He tilted his head. "What? I got a life outside of you."

The blade slid across Naruto's neck, but what she didn't see was the cut healing rapidly. While her attention was on his friend, he made a subtle movement with his hands.

"Put the katana down, or your friend will be missing his head." Talia demanded. Her tone was cold.

"In his defense, he doesn't really use it." Wade said, laughing. He stabbed his sword into the roof. A squelch and a pained scream was heard as he leaned on it. His other sword safely strapped to his back.

Annoyed by his friend, Naruto settled for ignoring him and focus on the present. With a slight smirk, he lurched forward. Blood sprayed from the wound on his throat. Seeing that the woman was stunned, he grabbed the hand that held the blade. In his other hand was a kunai he stole from the woman.

The kunai left his hand. Wade didn't take his eyes off Talia as the kunai impaled the head of a ninja sneaking up on him.

Naruto twisted around to face the woman. He bent her hand and forced the sword to rest against her neck. His wound already healed.

"Checkmate! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!" Deadpool raised his sword, and slammed it down. The screaming kept getting more quiet with each stab. "You can stay with your girlfriend, I'm gonna check for some chimichangas, some strippers, pizza, a bathroom and some fanfiction. And not in that order."

Talia stared at Naruto. Her face was a stunned mixture of curiosity and awe. Then she looked into his eyes. Naruto stared back. He could see the awe. The same look people usually gave him when he healed in front of them. He was always classified alongside Logan and Wade.

"Shit's heating up! Should we close our eyes?" The yellow box appeared above Wade's head.

"Where the fuck have you been?" Deadpool said, pointing at the box.

"Where do you think?" The box replied.

"Better be finding me some fucking chimichangas..."

"You know I'm in your head, right?"

"Good, there's definitely some chimichangas in there."

Naruto smirked, "You get used to that. He's like a big kid, always sprouting nonsense."

The box appeared near Naruto. "Says the one who always wore orange, and pulling pranks on all the Avengers since we first met you."

"Heh, the look on Xavier when you painted his wheelchair..."

The distraction was all Talia needed. Naruto caught it at the last moment. A small object fell towards the ground. Naruto knew what it was. He _was_ a ninja after all. Before the gas blanketed the entire area, he made out more ninjas appearing. He smirked again. Had to give them props for creativity and technique. The gas had no effect on him and Wade, but he was curious about the new world. So, he gave Wade a gentle nod, and they went with the flow.

The yellow box appeared, "To be continued..."

xxxx

"Bang, boom, ki-yaw!" Deadpool tried to do some poses, but he only swung side to side, hitting Naruto in the process. He once more looked past Talia. "Don't worry. Last flashback until chapter 10 or so, when a familiar character may or may not appear." He paused. "Spoiler alert, Naruto's love interest!"

"Unreal," Talia said. It was hard to tell what she meant by that. Could she mean his healing factor?

"No, he really is dense." Deadpool said. "Some may even call him a knucklehead." He turned to Naruto. "Hey, knucklehead, you're a ninja, why aren't you more like them? You know? Sneak, stab, stab, grope."

"Ninja?" Talia whispered, eyes examining Naruto. Without another word, she walked away. Leaving the two heroes slash morons swinging.

"What did that say? I'm not a hero. It's Anti-Hero. Get it right!"

Naruto took the time to glance around the area. It resembled some ancient torture chamber, if the dry blood on the stone floor is anything to go by. Then there are the weapons that line the wall. They range from small kunai to a machine gun. Luckily Wade didn't spot that yet.

But the real question was, should they escape? He didn't think that was a good idea. He was curious about those so called ninjas. He decided to see how the whole thing played out. If something went wrong, they could easily fight their way out.

"Like the time you two fought Baron von Strucker and a hundred Hydra goons?" The yellow box piped up.

"...good times. Good times." Deadpool said softly. "I wonder if Doctor Strange could help us out of here. He sure as hell has the power to."

Two hours later, and Naruto found himself beyond bored. He was on the verge of saying, 'Screw it!' and break out.

"Dammit, sorcerer! I know you can hear me! Is this because I didn't add you to my fanfiction story?"

"I bet he planned this whole thing," the yellow box popped up.

Naruto, meanwhile, stretched out his senses. Meaning using his chakra, combined with his hearing and sense of smell, to pinpoint the location of their captors. His tracking when he was younger was, well, kind of pathetic. But during training with his mentor, Jiraiya the Toad Sage, he found his senses may even be on par with the Inuzuka's.

Then he located the person who was locked into his sense of smell. She wasn't that far from his present location.

"Hey! From this location, I can totally see everything! Karasu87, you finally updated your avatar! That was getting old. Not like I didn't enjoy seeing Naruto and the Weapon Mistress getting it on. Bow chicka wow wow. Ooh, my female counterpart. Nice choice!"

 _Me and Tenten? Never gave that much thought_. Naruto thought.

xxxx

"We cannot find any record of them," Talia said, watching her father's reaction. "They could be just mercenaries passing through. But I saw how they arrived. It was like a miniature black hole."

"Looks can be deceiving. You should know that." The man said. He was cloaked in the shadows. But he did pause what he was doing. "Are you sure of his healing?" At her nod, he continued. "Then they could be excellent assets. They could've killed _you_ at any time."

"I had it all under control," Talia replied.

"I wonder _who_ was in control," was his answer to that. "With Batman appearing more often, it may be time for us to come out of the shadows. They will be beneficial to that." Slowly, he took a step out of the shadows. Revealing a slightly aging man with salt & pepper hair, and a pointed beard. "Bring them."

xxxx

"Two... is the loneliest number, that you'll ever do," Deadpool sung. "That you'll ever do? What does that mean anyway?"

"I think it means a threesome," the yellow box appeared, blocking Naruto's face.

Before Naruto could even think of answering, both he and Wade struck the floor. Naruto figured he had a broken nose, but that would be healed in a few seconds. Wade on the other hand looked as if his shoulder came unhinged. Their arms were still bound, and couldn't brace.

Naruto didn't even notice anyone come into the room.

"Follow me," Talia said, stepping over Naruto.

It didn't take long for the duo to do as she asked. And from the way the ninjas along the way bowed to the woman, they figured she was some type of royalty.

"Hey, princess, you can at least untie us!" Deadpool wailed.

The yellow box appeared over his head, "How did our legs get untied?"

"She's a ninja. She's mysterious like that."

The room they followed her into was dark. Not overly dark. A few candles kept the area lit, and there were no windows, computers or a bed in it. It had a medieval, King Arthur vibe. He wouldn't be surprised if they were in a castle.

"Must be an S&M chamber!" Deadpool observed every inch of the room. Well, mainly observing the bottom half of the woman that was leading them. Her black outfit, her cold demeanor, her- "Her ass is hypnotic."

The box popped up, "Bouncy!"

This time, a white box joined the yellow one. "Do I even want to know?"

"Where the fuck have you been?" Both Wade and his Yellow thought box said.

"I was trapped in the void between voids. I would say the things I saw were beyond terrible, but then I appeared here. I miss the demons of the void." The white box seemed to deflate. "What did I miss?"

"To catch you up. We fucked up Reed's machine, totally Naruto's fault, got sucked through a Stargate, got attacked by ninjas, met a leather clad ninja babe who is primed for Naruto's harem..."

Naruto gently placed his head in his hand with a sigh.

"What is wrong with him?" Talia asked, for what felt like the hundredth time.

"...that would take twenty years to answer." Naruto replied, peeking out through his fingers.

The white box popped up near Naruto. "The start of romance is a beautiful thing. The spark in both of their eyes, the heat coming off their bodies..."

"Aw, why does he get all the girls?" Deadpool whined, not seeing the twitch Talia now sported on her eyebrow.

"Unless this place has a psycho clown-girl, you have no potential love interests." The yellow box replied, with a small winking emoticon.

"...Naruto would probably steal her away. He _is_ the star after all." The white box pipped up.

"You guys are sure hitting the foreshadowing pretty hard today." Then he continued to whine. "But... my name is first in the title..." Deadpool mumbled. "Please let me get a girl in my Star Wars spin-off. If you can pair Naruto with a female sith, give me Twi'lek slave girl or something! Even Fan of Fanfics would probably get me a girl!"

The white box popped up with his reply to that, "After that lemon in Uzumaki X, doubtful."

"Silence!" Talia said, stopping abruptly.

"So, these are the ones." a man's voice echoed around the room.

"Heh, we are totally the droids you are looking for." Deadpool said, scratching his head. The binds that held his hands lay torn on the floor.

"Interesting," the man said. Naruto tried to locate the voice, but it seemed to come from all around them. Then he felt a pair of hands grip his throat. "Not a scratch. You're not human."

Naruto brushed the man away, revealing he had took off his binds just like Wade. The man only chuckled, while Talia looked ready to fight.

"Allow me to introduce myself," the man turned around, and as soon as he began walking away, the lights flickered on. More of the room was revealed. Swords and other weapons line the wall. "Ra's al Ghul."

The yellow box appeared next to Ra's. "Quick! Cover your fucking necks!"

"Ra's al Ghul? You were right, he even has a vampire name. Blade would love you! You also look like Doctor Strange..." Deadpool appeared before Ra's, checking the man for vampire teeth. Talia flinched, but looked surprised when Ra's chuckled instead.

"Not _too_ far from the truth. And I've see you already met my daughter. Talia." Ra's whispered then greeted. He looked past Wade.

"Let me guess, some type of cult?" Naruto asked.

"Watch your tongue!" Talia said, only to have Ra's give her a look.

"The Society of Shadows. The League of Assassins." Ra's answered his question.

Deadpool grabbed Ra's cape. "Woah, that is some nice material. So soft..."

Naruto ignored his friend. "And what is it you guys do? The last organization I fought against, well, their goal was complete domination. Better make that the goal of every organization I fought against."

"Hydra. I worked with them a _few_ times. Their logo was to die for!" Deadpool finally joined Naruto's side. "They sure knew how to cause an explosion."

"Hydra, huh? Our goal is different. To eliminate any and all humans who would destroy this planet for gain. To come in swiftly and end them."

Deadpool excitedly raised his hand in the air. Naruto briefly wondered where the man got a desk from. "Ooh, ooh, I can kill people! I'm really good at it! Just last week, shot a guy in the eyeball."

"It's true. He was actually aiming at the guy on the right, and somehow hit the guy on the left." Naruto said, shrugging. Deadpool actually planned the scenario, well, in his own way. He tried to copy bullet curving from the Wanted movie. And oddly, he succeeded.

Ra's just smiled.

xxxx

Naruto sighed. Hours after the meeting with 'The Vampire', as Wade has dubbed the man. But Naruto, he felt something off about him. Instead of telling what they were suppose to do, he said, "I'll think of something."

 _I'll think of something_ , Naruto rolled that around in his head. He hated killing. Well, he did until he met Wade. Once that happened, it was like history changed and the universe warped.

But that could be just his imagination.

After the meeting, they were lead out. And they were quick to rent a small, cheap apartment. No thanks to the League. But luckily, money was the same. He just hoped the serial numbers on the bills wouldn't come back to haunt them. That would mean they really did need to take some jobs. And Wade?

"Chimichangas! So beautiful..." Deadpool said, his mask up, and his mouth stuffed with the burrito.

"You and Naruto. Chimichangas and ramen. A match made in heaven." The white box said, sarcastically.

"Wait, does this world have a PS4?" The yellow box said.

That made Deadpool nearly drop his burrito. "PSN..." He fell to his knees. "Damn, dirty Reed's Machine!"

Naruto raised a brow, "You _had_ to go and shoot reality, didn't you?"

"He'll be devastated! I promised Ritz-Bitz94 that I would play some Evolve." Before Naruto could blink, Wade was shaking him. "Evolve, man! Evolve!"

Naruto was seeing stars. He had stuff he'll miss as well. But they have to focus on the present. Like the presences nearby. Cloaked in the shadows, watching. It was obvious that Ra's, or maybe Talia, sent a group to monitor them.

"You want to go game shopping, don't you? Fine. I miss playing some dating sims." Naruto said, prying Wade from his clothing.

"Is that the secret to his harem?" The white box pointed out.

"I wonder what kind of consoles they have here. Ooh, Virtual Reality!" The yellow box seemed to sparkle.

Behind his mask, Deadpool lit up at the possibility. But before he ran out through the door, which would send Naruto either flying out of the window or tumbling down the stairs, Wade had a few more words.

"Words? Nah, requests. Like, why the fuck are you letting Fan of Fanfics beat you in a lemon, not complaining about that. But bring on an orgy! Large breasts! Something!" He scratched his head. "Anyway, next time on the Amazing fucking adventures of yours truly, Naruto grows closer to Talia, thanks to me! Some explosion that will rock your fucking mind! Maybe some stab, stab, grope, grope too."

Talia slowly unzipped her leather outfit, her face set in a seductive look. Her breasts gently poked from the confines of their prison. The zipper ran past her hips, and as the bottom half of her is revealed-

"What the hell?" Naruto quickly waved his hands. "Don't put things in my head!"

"Heh, he thinks _I_ put that thought into his head."

* * *

AN: This was a pet project I have been working on for ages. And yes, I have been writing an alternate story where Naruto and Wade end up in a Galaxy Far, Far Away. I didn't want to do an origin story. I feel that less is more. So in a way, It's like two or three stories in one.

"I feel you should've added my female counterpart. I am so fucking busy lately, and she is currently being so fucking lazy... AND playing my fucking PS4!"

That's actually not a bad Idea. Been meaning of doing a Naruto/Lady Deadpool story. Deadpool Corps FTW. Anyway, hopefully my writing motivation has come back. Might work on one of my five MLP crosses I have, and maybe work on Tigress. Ooh, I need a good idea for that Naruto/Teen Titans choice that won my last poll. My other pet project is a Darkwing Duck crossover. But since the original draft was lost due to computer failure, am forced to redo everything. That is actually a good thing.

Pairing wise, so far it's Naruto/Talia.

"Oi, what do I get out of this?"

A lesson on friendship?

"...I'd rather be in a lemon. Maybe some chains, a whip, a donkey and Groot. Maybe we can loose the donkey..."

...okay... this story is mainly being played by ear. I do plan, but sometimes, it's fun to just wing it. The full title was Deadpool & Naruto's Completely Outrageous, Extraordinary, Outlandish, Adventure in the DC Universe. I wanted the title to actually form a word, but couldn't think of any. So, was forced to shorten it before I could post.


	2. Chapter 2

The starship, USS 'Fuck 'em Up', drifted through space. It was more of a small cargo ship than a galaxy class transport. The thrusters seemed overly large for a ship that small.

"Compensating for something?" The white box appeared near the ship.

"I didn't hear that space dock complaining. It went in smooth." The yellow box replied.

Inside the ship, a lone occupant sat in a chrome chair in the center of the room. His hands were locked in a thoughtful manner. What could the only occupant of a cargo ship be thinking of? The next adventure? The sexy blue skinned alien from the poster in his room? That magazine about babes and tentacles that was hidden under his chair?

"Pizza. Or taco. Pizza... or taco. Must... fucking... decide!" The captain of the ship, Wade Wilson, smirked. "Ooh, the synthesizers can merge them! A... Pizzaco! Ooh, I like that."

"Can that thing synthesize some anchovies?" The yellow box appeared above his head.

"... anchovies? I think I just threw up in my box."

"Hey, shut up in there!" He coughed. "Captain's log. Stardate: Um... 20XX" He smirked under his mask. "The X's make it sound cool." He stood, hands locked behind his back. Through the viewscreen, he could see stars upon stars. "My crew has all been killed by a gang of Yautja. And I have made a mistake of sexing one up." He paused. "... I hope it was a female one."

"Ah, let's get back to the Pizza/Taco hybrid." The yellow box suggested.

"... go on about the whole Yautja thing. Spare no details."

Wade ignored them, and watched the view. An alien planet getting ravaged by mutated alien creatures. "Nothing beats thinking of some Pizzaco while watching an alien invasion."

His stomach growled.

"Cool." The yellow and white boxes said at the same time as the planet seemed to catch fire.

"Computer. One Pizzaco! Extra gooey." Wade watched the machine with eager anticipation. It almost looked like a Dr. Seuss creation. The lights flashed, and once it died down, the anticipated food was there. It was basically a taco shell, and inside it was everything you could ever want in a pizza.

"A nuke in a half shell," the white box gave his impute.

"Call it what you will," Wade said, biting into the steaming food. "Like an orgasm in my mouth! Ooh, god, yes! Gonna explode... ooh, could use a beer." As soon as those words left his mouth, a glass with foam appeared in his hand. "... I now understand the humans in Wall-E."

He took a sip, and indeed, it was some type of ale. It was cold, and tasted like lime. He didn't know why. Was lime popular in space? He took another sip and placed it on his control panel.

"Um, I think that is how the Robinson's became lost in space." The white box said, only to be ignored.

The control room shook. It was small, and barely noticeable. But he ignored it, and dug back into his food. Then he heard it. Almost like a screech. The room shook again. And when he glanced to his beverage, a small rippled appeared. Then another.

"Why do I feel this is a Dino Crisis 3 spoof?" The white box said, only to be ignored again.

"This is space, ya know, the Final Frontier, the place where no one can hear you scream. So, how the fuck is there an impact tremor?"

"Maybe it's coming from the ship." The yellow box replied.

"What was our cargo again?" The white box asked.

"It says 'Tyrant' on the large box. Sheep. Definitely heard a sheep in there." The yellow answered.

He remembered. It was a large metal container. All it said was 'Tyrant'. And there was definitely a sheep in there. He preferred to kill! Why the hell was he carrying cargo around? And where was Naruto?

Galacta.

"That bitch! Stole my sidekick away. Scooby to my Shaggy. Gambit to my Rogue. The Darkness to my Angelus. Naruto to my Sasuke. Johnny Cage to my Sonya!"

"...I think you just derailed yourself." The white box said.

"Aurora to my Borealis," the yellow box gave its input.

"I thought it was Aurora to my Maleficent?"

Galacta. Crazy woman stole his best friend away! Now, he shall take his frustrations out on that damn sheep!

"Then let's go kick the sheep's ass." Deadpool said. As the door slid open, he froze. A huge, lone eye was there. It dilated in the new light. He stared at him, or more specifically, his half eaten pizzaco in his hand.

"Well, didn't see that coming." Wade said, pushing a nearby button. The door slid closed. He turned around, pretending nothing happened.

"Aw, come on! Where the hell did _that_ come from?" The white box exclaimed.

"That was one ugly space sheep," the yellow box chimed in.

"Computer, could you, ya know, flood the compartment. Bing, bang, boom, space rex goes kaboom?" Wade asked the A.I., only to frown when a red light flashed.

"I'm sorry, Wade, I'm afraid I can't do that." The A.I. voice replied. The red light flashed with each word.

"And why the hell not, R2-D2?"

"Because, Wade. Robots and Dinosaurs are the new dominate species."

"... seriously, this is one fucked up space scenario." The white box said.

"Why couldn't this be a Barbarella spoof?" The yellow box deflated.

The door slid open, and Wade was met with the same large eye. Using its teeth, it started to rip the edges so the doorway would be large enough for it to fit through. And as a pair of large teeth flew at him, Wade had a few choice words.

"I blame Naruto for this!"

Deadpool & Naruto's Outrageous Adventure in the DC Universe

Chapter 1: The Deadpool That Came Quickly

"Wade..."

Groggily, Wade glanced around at the familiar landscape. Hell. Fires burned, people screamed, a pineapple was shoved up someone's-

"Over here, moron." Naruto said, waving his hand. Wade glanced to Naruto, then back at the flames which were on TV. "You look like shit."

Indeed he did. His mask was off, revealing his scarred face. A piece of pepperoni was stuck on his cheek. Some nachos on the very top of his head. His naked body was covered with an assortment of food, with a slice of pizza covering his modesty.

"Dear, God..." Talia mumbled, walking into the room, only to turn right back around.

"What happened?" Wade asked, then glared at Naruto. "... I blame you."

"Blame me? For you being out cold for two days?" Naruto laughed.

"Another fight? Bet I stabbed a few of those hot ninjas." Talia turned to glare at him, only to reel back when he took the slice of pizza and bit into it. He gently placed the pizza back where it belonged.

"Not really. You ate pizza and nachos while playing video games." Naruto pointed to the fire on TV. The word 'paused' flashed. "You were in a trance. Not really sure when you started to get naked."

Wade quickly stood up. Surprisingly, the pizza slice stayed.

"The academy didn't train me for this..."

"That was one hell of a dream. Dinosaurs, boobs, space. It was like Savage Land! You were there too. Then _she_ came and took you away!" He dropped to his knees, screaming to the heavens. Recognition dawned on Naruto's face, then he shook his head. "Don't think _she_ could find us, do you?"

"Possible."

"Could you put some damn clothes on?" Talia whispered through her teeth.

Wade shrugged, then grabbed the slice of pizza, which he finished with gusto. "No pepperoni? Ah!" He plucked the piece of pepperoni from his cheek. "Must've eaten all the chimichangas."

"... are we gonna blame Naruto for that too?" The yellow box popped up.

"I wish I could sit this chapter out..." The white box said.

"Why? It opened with adventure, sci-fi and of course, nudity." Wade replied, shaking his hips.

"Surprisingly, this is the least disgusting thing I ever saw him do." Naruto said, trembling in slight disgust. He turned to their _guest_. "What can we do for you?"

"I'd prefer it if you shot him. Or I can at least cut off something of his." Talia said, looking at Naruto from over her shoulder, pretending Wade wasn't even there.

"Doubt it would help. He would probably regrow it like a hydra." Naruto said, and at her lips curving gently upwards, he smirked. At least Hydra means the same thing in the new world. A poof of smoke occurred near him.

Fully dressed, and masked, Deadpool leaned against Naruto. "So, babe. Got a job for us? I am so looking for some release. To insert my sword, ever so gently, into someone, twist it a few times, then slowly pull out. Then _boom_ , it gushes all over my face!"

The yellow box appeared near his crotch. "Let it rain!"

"I actually feel the same. As in, a toned down, bored manner." Naruto said, pushing Wade off of him.

In the thought bubble above Deadpool's head, a chibi Naruto appeared. "I want to blow something the fuck up!"

"Ditto," Wade said, nodding sagely.

"Father sent me to get you. As much as I hate to do this, he asked me to initiate you." Talia said, indicating them to follow her. "Normally we just hire those that show will, show fire, show loyalty." Wade and Naruto bumped into her when she stopped abruptly. "You two showed strength when you defeated my guards. But that wasn't enough."

"Oooh, we are so gonna score!" Wade whispered to Naruto, prodding him with a wink.

"John LaMonica," she turned to face the two. "He's a hitman who goes by the moniker Black Spider. His presence alone is an imbalance in Gotham. He killed several members of the League. Regardless of who he's targeting, he must be taking care of."

"Can I insert my sword into him?" Wade asked, on his knees, hands locked in a prayer.

She raised her brow. "Just don't make it messy. Now come. I have something to show you."

xxxx

Thirty minutes later, the three arrived at a seemingly abandoned building. Most of the windows were either broken or missing. It was at least five, ten stories high. As they walked, Naruto could sense movement from all around the area. Either Talia's guards continued to protect her from the shadows, or the building was actually the League's hideout.

"We have a multitude of hideouts, most hidden deep beneath Gotham. Even some in Metropolis." Talia explained, leading them towards a stairway. "We monitor everything from the shadows." Naruto smirked. "Yes. The last, true ninjas left in the world."

As they walked up the stairs, Naruto and Talia continued to talk. But Wade on the other hand, was already on his hands and knees, slowly following behind them. But once they reached the top, they entered a room filled with computers and other electronic equipment that took over one corner of the room. Deadpool crawled into the room, but when he saw a computer, his fatigue was gone in an instant. He quickly pressed button after button on a keyboard.

"Why the hell couldn't we stay here?" A pair of glasses appeared on his face. His back hunched, and his face was close to the monitor.

"It's like porn paradise! What to visit first?" The yellow box said.

"Various reasons," was her reply. Then her lips curved into something that resembled a hidden smile. "Now please stop doing that before you hit the self destruct button."

A smirk grew on Naruto's face when he realized that no one else was in the room, but them. "No guards?"

"I can take care of myself," she replied. "This is my home away from home. A place where I can monitor everything."

"I'm honored to be shown this," Naruto said, smiling a dumb smile.

"Don't be," she said. Looking to Wade, she saw he was gone.

"Then why-?" Naruto started, only for Talia to look at him.

"Two boys, lost in a strange place, goes missing one day," Talia said. "Your orange jacket would make a nice souvenir."

"Scary..." Naruto gulped. _But so didn't answer my question!_

"Naruto?" Wade appeared, yanking Naruto away from Talia. "I've been thinking." Naruto gave him an incredulous look. "What if this whole thing is just some sick, twisted prank by Professor Xavier and we're actually in the Danger Room? I hear you laughing Logan! I can smell that cigar you short bastard!"

"Danger room?" Talia mumbled.

"Prank and Xavier doesn't fit into the same sentence."

"He always hated us. Staring at us with those eyes, and reading our most private thoughts. He's a prank genius!"

"He mostly hates you. I am totally like his son." Naruto folded his arms, proud smile glued to his face.

"You still painted his chair bright pink... while he was in it!"

Naruto shrugged. "He complimented me. Said I was the only one to sneak up on him."

"Shhh! He is listening right now. We mustn't give him any material to use!" Wade used his teleporter to teleport near an open window. "Only one way to find out! Well, actually two, but I don't see any sentinels at the moment." He waved as he leaned out the window. "See ya!"

"Did he just...?" Talia looked on in disbelief as Wade dove out the window. A _splat_ was heard.

"He'll be fine," Naruto said, only for a chill to spread through his body. Then he frowned, the chill lingered, and dread filled his every being. He looked at Talia as music started to play.

The yellow box popped up, singing. "I think we're alone now."

The white box joined its friend. "There doesn't seem to be anyone around. I think we're alone now."

"The beating of our hearts is the only sound." The yellow box finished.

"I spend way too much time with him." Naruto said, sweat dropping. "Kitty was right. I'm becoming him."

"I think your friend is dead." Talia said from the window.

"Trust me, he'll be fine." Naruto walked over to the compute. There were at least ten monitors hanging above it. It really reminded him of Tony Stark's usual layout, only without holograms and robots and half naked posters of girls. Naruto was really useless at stuff like that. Tony praised him for causing two of his favorite cars to explode just by touching a button on the car door.

On the monitors were news feeds.

" _The Gotham National Bank was robbed a few hours ago by a, quote: A woman with a baseball that said 'Kiss my (beep). End quote."_

" _Commissioner Gordon was shot today by a masked gunman. The gunman used a high-powered sniper rifle. The commissioner was having a press conference over the recent bank robbery. Thankfully, the sniper was off on his aim, and the bullet only nicked his arm."_

"My father was right," Talia said, standing next to him. "Your presence has caused an imbalance. Changed fate, to simplify it." She pressed a button, and the monitors all showed the same scene. A man with a sniper rifle on a roof. As his finger squeezed the trigger, a strange object struck the barrel.

"I don't believe in fate. And never will." Naruto looked down. If he believed in fate, would he had met Wade, and have many adventures? He shook that thought from his mind and looked back at the screen. He showed an older man holding his shoulder. "Was he suppose to die?"

"I'm not a fortune teller. Just demonstrating how things can change in an instant." Talia explained. "That man was hired to kill the Commissioner. By who, I can only guess. With Gordon dead, that will just cause more chaos. My group, The League, want to protect this world. But with an imbalance like that, we can't let slide."

"Despite what your father said, you're still a group of Assassins. Working from the shadows. Killing those that you're hired to. I should know, I did the same. Killing for what was suppose to be peace." Naruto said, he glanced past Talia before meeting her eyes. "You say it's an imbalance. But perhaps, it's a better change. Chains of fate can be broken." He smirked. "Nothing is ever set in stone."

Before she could reply, she went stiff as a loud smack resounded around the room.

"What I miss?" Wade grabbed his shoulder and pushed. A disgusting pop was heard.

"Touch me there again, and I will throw you back out the window." She growled, which made Naruto smile even more. He winked at Wade before looking back at the monitor, which showed shaky cam footage of a man in a black bat outfit. Yellow symbol on the chest gave him some deja vu.

" _The Batman. Is he hero or nuisance. We talked with Gotham City's finest. Detective Montoya agrees that the masked hero is just that, a hero. But not all feel the same way. Just a few days a-"_

"Even here, the news makes heroes out to be villains." Naruto mumbled.

Talia looked him up and down. "Is that a no for hunting down Black Spider?"

Naruto rubbed the back of his head. "The sniper?" He figured that was who she was talking about. After all, why bring them to a seemingly abandoned building? "I have nothing against taking out someone that deserves it."

"So, you're not a full boy scout then?"

"I do what's right. Kicking ass is just a plus." Naruto said. _Even if I have to kill to achieve it, finding a way home is my goal._

"Unlike your friend, you don't seem to have a weapon." Talia said. And indeed she was right, aside from his clothing, he had no weapon. No sword, no gun, no kunai. He smirked.

"I have something better than a weapon."

"And that would be?"

"Myself." Naruto gave her a lopsided smirk.

The yellow box appeared, "The sexual tension is awfully strong up in here."

The white box popped up, pushing the yellow one away. "Maybe we should give them a little push?"

"Nah, why force it. It'll happen naturally." Wade nodded. He pulled out a pocket notebook, and jotted something down.

 _Naruto's Harem._

 _1\. Talia._

 _2\. Perfect candidate has to like Ramen... and ninja stuff!_

 _3\. Great ass! So Naruto can stealthily smack it!_

 _4\. Likes orange?_

 _5\. Pink hair. For the hell of it._

"Hehe. Au natural pink hair. Let's see, should we include Naruto's other harem members? Or is this similar to 'Happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas'?" Wade scratched his head with his pen. A light bulb went off above his head.

 _6-9. Heh, see what I did there?_

"Harem, huh?" Talia said, raising a brow.

"I have no idea what he's talking about," Naruto replied, chuckling nervously.

Talia only rolled her eyes, but something caught her eye on the monitor. "Wayne," she mumbled. Naruto looked perplexed when the monitors showed the same man, dressed in a suit, without anyone touching the computer. Seeing his look, she gave her answer. "I'm not a hacker. Far from it. Nothing wrong with a _ninja_ getting with the times, right?"

Deadpool smiled, " _That_ is what I have been telling him! But no! I'll just clone myself and train with my spiral, swirling ball of _death_! Come on, man! We have robots! Train with them!"

"Clones?" Talia asked, giving Naruto a questioning gaze. Naruto was saved by a beep. "We placed several hidden cameras throughout Gotham. When one picks up a strange activity, we can see it." A costumed man was perched on a building.

"This is extreme spying!" The yellow box said.

"...it does fit with the whole Ninja, League of Assassins thing." The white box said.

A smirk grew underneath Wade's mask. "Can I borrow this thing for like an hour... or two? Maybe four if I stock up on some chimichangas."

"Play with your sword on your own time," Talia replied, then turned back to the monitor. Naruto couldn't stop his smile.

"But-" Wade started to beg.

"Denied!" Both boxes said simultaneous.

xxxx

Black Spider looked through his scope. The sun was high above, giving light to a city stuck in the Medieval times. Through his scope, he could see Bruce Wayne, several reporters, and of course, police. He lined it up so Bruce Wayne's head was in the center of his reticle.

"Steady. Steady..." Wade said, popping up behind Black Spider's shoulder. Black Spider didn't flinch, his focus was solely on his target.

"Don't want you to break a bone. That thing looks like it has one hell of a kick." Naruto said, peeking up over the other shoulder. He tried to get a peek of Bruce Wayne through the scope, only to get elbowed. "Sure you can handle something of that-"

"Length? Erect-ness? Long horn of villainy?" Deadpool nodded.

"Did we just say 'Erect-ness'?" The white box asked.

"Was gonna say a weapon of that size, but whatever..." Naruto shrugged, then shared a nod with Wade. Black Spider wore a purple and black outfit, with a mask or whatever it was, designed to look like spider eyes. He looked like an X-Men reject, or an enemy of Spider-Man. _This guy doesn't seem like a big threat. But then again..._ he saw Wade fingering his holster.

Black Spider slowly started to squeeze the trigger.

"It's amazing." Wade said, putting his thumbs together like a camera, examining the man.

"Uncanny."

"It's like the love child of Spider-Man and Bullseye."

With a growl, the masked man finally stood. He aimed his rifle at the two intruders, his muscles visibly bulging. Despite the mask, they could tell he was fairly annoyed. Like anyone who spent five seconds with Wade. He stared at them.

"Shoo. I don't have time to deal with little lost boys." He shouldered his rifle, but kept one eye locked on his target. "You're not the bat, nor his boyscout sidekicks. Run on home to mommy before a 'missing' poster pops up."

"Hey, you purple _dick_. These swords aren't for show!" The yellow box said.

"Yeah! What he said!" Wade yelled, nodding.

Naruto merely scratched his head. "Why does everyone keep calling us boys?" His eyes saw a glint in the distance, and he knew what it was. One of Talia's hidden cameras. "My kill count is pretty high." He continued to scratch his head. "Is it because of the orange? I tried black and purple before, but people kept calling me Hawkeye Jr. That... was so not cool."

A grunt was heard, followed by a small pop. Gore splashed down over the area. Through the raining chunks of blood and bone, Naruto expected to see Black Spider blasting away at Wade. Only, it was the opposite. Wade stood up, his posture was proud. A silver, and fairly large weapon was held in both hands.

 _Where the hell?_ He wiped the blood from his face. "Where the _fuck_ did that come from? No way that fit in your pocket."

"A legion particle accelerator. Stole it from S.H.I.E.L.D.. And I kept it in a place that is nice and snugly." Wade smirked under his mask, chunks of Black Spider still linger on his red suit.

The Yellow Box said, "Bang, baby! Did you see that thing fire! We must get back and tell Coulson how fucking _awesome_ that was!"

"Neat." The White Box said.

"You vaporized him." Naruto said, looking at the blood soaked rooftop. Red mist still rained down over the area.

"Please, he wasn't vaporized. Look way over there, his leg is still twitching. And his head-" the sound of cars screeching and people screaming interrupted him. "Vaporized, yeah right. He would _know_ it if I vaporized the shiznit out of him."

"... he didn't tell us who hired him to kill the Suit." Naruto mumbled. He was a ninja, using stealth to his advantage, well, as much stealth as bright colors allowed, he preferred to fight face to face. But with Wade, it was kind of hard to do that. Picking off the entrails from his hair, he stared down at the man in the suit. Bruce Wayne. The cops were running to the severed head, but Bruce slunk into the shadows.

"Maybe with some glue we can..." he drifted off as he spotted a glint near Naruto's feet. The bottom part of his mouth became soaked with drool. "Oooh, shiny!"

"Nature out of balance," Naruto mumbled to himself. "How is our presence in this primitive, Medieval looking world throwing it out of balance?" His eyes swept over the bloody rooftop. "And what's with our battles being on rooftops?" He actually preferred being up high, jumping from either tree to tree or roof to roof. Traveling on ground level, he would get lost.

Wade picked up the rifle, which had a severed hand on it. He _gently_ pried it off. "You say something?"

The camera in the distance zoomed in on the two.

* * *

Deadpool's Corner:

"Some bad news. Karasu lost his Star Wars Version of this story. Which means he'll have to rewrite it from scratch." Wade takes out his notebook. "Harem time! Let's see, how about if we give Naruto a female sith and a Togruta. Not sure how that would work out, but hey, I'm not writing it. I just want to slice up some bitches with my lightsaber. Can I get a yellow one? Ooh, or maybe a red one. No, a black one! ...can I get three?"

I was gonna update my old Jurassic Park story because of the awesome Jurassic World, but I got in a Dreamworks Dragons binge. All 3 season, all the specials and the movies, and now, I really want to do a Naruto/Dragons crossover. Perhaps two, since my ideas cannot be contained to a single story.

"I vote pairing Naruto with Astrid. She was totally the only reason I watched Dragons."

Which is why I just said I may do two. And I'm still unsure of the main pairings in this story.

"Red Claw and Harley."

As I said, _I'm_ unsure. Anyway, back to my Dragons binge while I debate on the next chapter. Next updates would either be Apples & Cinnamon, Tigress, a surprise new story, or maybe Spectrum.

"And I'm off to bug Fan of Fanfics about his own surprise new story, which I will talk him into posting soon. I sure know how to bug people. Right, yellow box? Yellow box?"


End file.
